


I Think I Love My Husband

by Annie_Is_A_Contranym



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Relationship Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 07:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Is_A_Contranym/pseuds/Annie_Is_A_Contranym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So yeah....I'm doing everything I can to avoid finishing my other fic on the go.....which means writing delightful/depressing little tidbits like this one.</p>
    </blockquote>





	I Think I Love My Husband

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah....I'm doing everything I can to avoid finishing my other fic on the go.....which means writing delightful/depressing little tidbits like this one.

The hotel room was less than welcoming.  Dean stood in the doorway, frozen solid by the uncomfortable familiarity of the layout. He’d seen a lot of hotel rooms in his life for many different purposes but this time was different. The agenda was a familiar one but he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something a little out of place. He scanned the room, looking for what that might be.

The neatly made double bed, its nondescript spread covering the too-flat-pillows underneath, loomed larger than it should have.  He hated pillows that were too flat. If he had any hopes of sleeping, he’d have to bunch it up for more cushioning. He suddenly appreciated his pillow back at his house.

The room was cool and dark, the drawn drapes sealing it off from the outside world. No sounds of street activity penetrated the walls of glass, cloth and brick. He could hear only the hum of the air conditioner and the running water from the bathroom sink.

With heavy legs he walked forward to the writing desk that sat against the wall, two steps from the foot of the bed to flick the lamp on. It cast a jaundiced glow across the room that did nothing to increase its appeal. It occurred to him that he hadn’t slid the chain lock in place but he did not retrace his steps to do so. Perhaps, that should have been a red flag for him, a signal that he should be on the other side of the door moving away from this room instead of being on the inside moving further into it.

 If it was, he shrugged it off. He’d made the decision to be here. It wasn’t a decision made lightly. Things with Cas had gotten so bad lately that he could not see a way through it. He could not see away around it. He could only see the path away from it. How does a relationship of shared laughter and deep love go so off the rails? Was it the slow drifting away from common things prompting divergence rather than a shared journey? Dean couldn’t say for certain when or where this started. One day Cas was looking at him with stars in his eyes and then the next, that impossible shade of blue was tainted with disappointment and resentment.  So Dean stopped meeting his eyes.

Was it the harsh words that were spoken? The recriminations that started as barbed reminders of every time Dean messed up? Every time he came home late without calling - hey he was busy working. What the hell did Cas think he was doing? Or the fact that he didn’t “close a conversation” when they were texting or emailing?  Why should he have to point out that he was done? He said what he had to say and it was done. It wasn’t his fault that Cas was waiting for a reply that never came.  How lame was it to have to type ‘ _Catch you later_ ’ or ‘ _Gotta run_ ’?  The little nagging became insistent pressuring  which became angry shouting. What the hell did Cas want from him? _“It’s just common courtesy Dean and if you can’t see that…?”_ Every moment spent with Cas made him feel like the poster boy for broken promises. He was tired of feeling like crap.

He sat down on the edge of the bed facing the writing table, and elbows on his knees he dropped his head into his hands, scrubbing his face with his palms.  He wanted to feel good and there were other people who were making him feel good. Cas felt like work. He was too much bloody effort to be real, always wanting to talk about real things. Dean had enough as it was, dealing with the real. He didn’t need to rehash it. He wanted to be distracted. He wanted fun. He wanted different. Lifting his head he scanned the hotel room once more and felt his stomach turn. This was different.  He wanted this right? He could walk away from his relationship and not look back. He was good at that. Benny would help him.

When he met Benny, they’d clicked instantly. Benny understood him without making demands.  Being with Benny was easy, and fun, and they’d become fast friends. He knew Cas resented the friendship but maybe if Cas took that stick out of his ass for once, he’d understand why Dean needed his friendship with Benny.  Benny and Dean were kindred spirits. Well so were Cas and Dean…once upon a time anyway.  They hadn’t been for a long time though.  The connection, the shared passion, the sense of being everything to each other had simply faded. Did he miss it? Did he miss Cas?

The last fight had been uglier than usual and he’d left, just tired of the tension. Now here he was in this dingy old hotel room looking at future that didn’t include Cas.  There was a lump in his throat that felt like he was trying to swallow a grapefruit and as much as it hurt, it kept the bile from hurtling out his mouth.  Damn it Cas! Why’d you have to be such a trial. Why’d you have to make this so hard? Why the hell couldn’t you have just let me be for a bit instead of making demands? You friggin forced my hands!

The water stopped running in the bathroom and Dan got up suddenly, turning to face the man wearing nothing but a towel and a wicked wicked grin.  Benny walked over to Dean and cupped his face tenderly. He leaned in to lightly brush Dean’s lips with his own.

“Thought you’d be naked by now Sugar.”

The twang of the New Orleans accent softened his pronunciation so that ‘naked’ sounded like ‘nekkid’ and ‘Sugar’ sounded like ‘Shugah’. His words may have been soft but the desire reflected in his eyes was sharp. Dean could feel the edge of it pressing into him uncomfortably.  It should have felt good. His body should have been humming with the zing of anticipation and shared wanting. He’d been feeling like that for days with Benny, the attraction a pleasant buzz beneath his skin though neither man had acted on it. Until now.

Benny slowly slid hid the hand cradling Dean’s face down,  a single finger extended to draw a line down his jaw, the nape of his neck and the upper part of his chest.  It stopped at the top button on Dean’s favourite plaid shirt, fingering the neckline of the faded t-shirt he wore under it.

Tapping the button, Benny said, “Or were you saving  yourself so I could unwrap you like the gift that you are?”

Dean flinched.

His hand came up and gripped Benny’s pulling it away and down. Benny lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head sideways in a gesture that was so much like the way Cas did and yet nothing like Cas.

Dean swallowed that grapefruit sitting behind his Adam’s apple while Benny watched him expectantly. It took him three tries.  He cleared his throat and it sounded loud and harsh and uncomfortable in the silent room.

“I’m sorry, man”. His words were not strong but came out as a whisper. “I gotta go.  I can’t…”

Suddenly the grapefruit was back and Dean had to push it down again.  Benny looked confused.

“What?” he asked.

Dean looked past Benny’s shoulder to the unbolted chain hanging limply from its perch on the doorframe.   He brought his eyes back to his friend and almost lover. He had only the single thought in his head and that’s what made its way out past his lips

“I think I love my husband.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot with the understanding that Dean chooses Cas and makes the effort to set things right ( not that he's to blame or anything. With all relationship issues, blame falls to both ). Hope you liked it even though it's not the happiest of fics.


End file.
